Why Mumy Swears

The first day of the holidays. I suppose it could`ve been worse. I brightly announced that perhaps it might be a lovely idea to go to a stately home and learn about some history. As soon as we got there I remembered why I don`t use the flipping National Trust membership - because National Trust properties are full of very precious and breakable items, and very precious and breakable items don`t really mix with children, especially not small boys. Where I had envisaged childish faces glowing with wonder as they took in the treasures of our nation`s illustrious past, we instead had me shouting `Don`t touch, DON`T TOUCH, FFS DON`T TOUCH!" while stoutly shod pensioners tutted disapprovingly and drafted angry letters to the Daily Mail in their heads. How many more days of the holiday are there?